Why do you love someone? Is it loneliness? Maybe it’s for companionship. Is it just human nature? Or is it something so much deeper?
Scientists, sociologists, and just about every other field of science attempt to answer the question, why do you love someone. They’ve researched what makes someone’s heart go pitter-patter, and there are theories of attraction and likability factors, but the answer remains a mystery.
It isn’t something that can be quantified or defined in one way.
There are different types of love, from affectionate to platonic to sexual and everywhere in between. There are no rules to it, though, which makes figuring out why you love someone so curious and unpredictable.
Love is commonly defined as an intense feeling of affection, but if you’ve ever felt it, you know it is so much more than that. Merriam-Webster may define love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, but is it just that?
Why do you love someone? The reasons are endless in a way.
Some would say love is a choice, while others would say it is out of your control. It is a feeling that goes above and beyond joy. It creates a bond that is incomparable to others.
To define love would mean to strip it of all its magic. It is different for everyone and every situation and relationship. Therefore, it cannot simply be summed up with a few words strung together.
Many reasons to love
The reasons why we love someone are vast and wide. But in general, why do you love someone? Is it because of the intensity? Perhaps it is the giddy feeling you can’t quite describe? Or maybe the connection you share?
It isn’t like other emotions that come and go. You can hate, dislike, be enraged, and still be in love.
But, why do you love someone?
Why do you love someone?
If you’re wondering why we fall in love, or why we actually love someone and stay in love in the first place, here are all the reasons why.
1. Love connects
The bonding experience you share with a child or sibling is a reason to love. You hate them sometimes, but something binds you together. No matter how much you argue or fight, there is a deep-rooted bond that just can’t be broken.
There are times you may hate someone, but that doesn’t negate your love for them. The connection love forms can block out all the bad and bring you together when you need it to.
You should ideally love someone because you find stability, comfort, and safety in them. They should be your “emergency contact” that you feel safe telling your deepest, darkest fears to.
You love someone for the feeling of security you have when you’re with them. You aren’t at risk of being hurt. The safety love provides gives you comfort only it can.
3. Love helps you trust
You love someone because it helps you trust. In good cases, as love grows, so does trust. You want to be there for someone and they want to be there for you.
The closer you become, and the more trust is earned, the safer you feel. Putting that trust into someone other than yourself is a relieving sensation that only comes with love.
4. You have a friend
You love people because they care about you. Whether it is romantic or platonic, they have your best interest at heart. They worry about you, and you, them.
The friendship that often comes with love is what you need and want. The closeness and honestly, and support is what we all crave.
5. Love enriches your life
You love someone because they make you feel good about yourself and seek to make your life better and more enriched. It isn’t just about having a full life but feeling fulfilled.
You love someone because they inspire you. You look up to them or admire them. They make you want to be better, for them and yourself. They challenge, support, and encourage you to be all that they know you are capable of.
In fact, they see in you what other people might underestimate and work to bring the best out.
Sometimes we love someone to cloak the feeling of loneliness we otherwise feel. You feel you need to love someone, even if they’re not right for you so that you are not alone.
Forcing feelings to fight fear is only masking something. Those feelings will never soar or be healthy because it is generated by fear, not true feelings for the other person.
There are also times when we think we love people because we should. Either because we committed to honor and cherish them, or we have familial ties. So, for example, you may love your nosy and judgmental mother-in-law because she is family and raised your partner, but for no other reason than you should.
This isn’t the same as how you feel for your own parents, even if they were less than perfect. It is an emotion that comes with a commitment you made. It is real but does not come with the same depth.
There are times when partners can be highly manipulative. They make their partner feel as if they will be lost without them, that they can’t do better, or that they don’t deserve more.
Although this sort of manipulation can be as overwhelming as love, it is a facade. When it is brought on by manipulation and rooted in control and abuse, it is nothing more.
Sometimes people think they are in love with one another, but they are codependent instead. It is like being with someone who feels like they are your yin to their yang. You need each other to be what you are. But, this again, is a farce.
Codependence can grow out from something more, but loving someone because you feel as if you are nothing without them, is no real.
There are times when you can be addicted to love. That a rush like any other drug. Instead of loving someone, you love to love. This is an addiction to the surge of emotions, the brain chemistry, and the physical feeling of it all.
These people may jump from relationship to relationship, craving that initial sensation. But, as it wears off into something more comfortable and safe, they lose the high.
Being a couple that satisfies society, can lead to you loving someone. Having praise from peers and friends can induce feel-good emotions that convince you of feelings that may not be there.
For instance, you meet someone and get along. You are both successful and come from good families. There is nothing wrong, so you get married. It all makes sense and is supported by history, the public, and eventually, you.
The mystery of love is something no one can quite describe. It is complicated and confusing. Even the most well-balanced and healthy relationship will always carry an element of mystery.
You will never fully know what the other person thinks or feels, and that is intoxicating. That curiosity can overwhelm you.
Lust and physical attraction can spill into love. Being intimate ignites emotional responses in many people. Simply being attracted to someone and touching them, kissing them, or having sex can mimic the sensation of love.
But, in this situation, if you ask yourself, why do you love someone? The answer will be hard to come by.
15. Being ready for love
Being prepared for the commitment that comes with love and the lifelong attachment can be why you love someone. You meet someone, and it clicks, and you’re ready, so it all falls into place.
Intimacy isn’t just about sex but about closeness. This includes feeling familiar. The more time you spend together and interact with each other, the more likely those feelings will grow.
This is why many people fall for people they spend time with at work or their own friends. That closeness and comfort puts you at ease and lets your guard down.
Being compatible is one of the biggest things that lead to love. This is also the key to staying in love. This is the ease of communication. It is the level at which you relate to each other or how things flow.
You simply understand each other in a way that feels good.
18. The risk of love
Some people love to take risks. People thrive off of adrenaline. Those who find excitement in spontaneity, adventures, and things like skydiving fall in love because it forces them to face their fears.
Sure, you need to let your walls down and be vulnerable to enjoy love, but that is what makes it so amazing.
19. Human nature
As humans, we are wired to seek emotional connection. Even before words and communication were what they are now, neanderthals formed bonds, families and enjoyed that connection.
20. Happily ever after
We all want to be happy. But, at the end of the day, we want to walk off into the sunset with the person that makes us happy. We want the words “happily ever after” to be scrawled on the end screen of our lives. And as we’ve all been taught, seen, and even felt, love is the way to do that.
So, why do you love someone? The answer is within you. It could be one or many of these reasons, but whatever it is, its not too bad, right?