Your partner may be flawed, but are you truly perfect? Learn how to be a good partner before you point out your partner’s flaws.
It’s easy to focus on what your partner is doing wrong, to get annoyed and frustrated by it. However, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you aren’t doing everything right either?
It’s easy to see flaws in others but is it as easy to see flaws in ourselves? How do you know whether or not you are being a good partner?
Learn how to be a good partner with these rules
If you truly want to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend or a good husband/wife, ask yourself if you follow these 12 rules yourself. Sometimes, in your determination to nitpick the flaws of your partner, you may be overlooking a few glaring imperfections in yourself! After all, nobody is perfect.
Rule 1. You have a right to be angry but you don’t have the right to be cruel
If you want to be a good partner, then this is a really important one to remember. Everyone has a right to be angry, sometimes it can’t be helped, however, it’s the way you deal with that anger that determines whether or not you are being fair.
It’s okay to tell your partner if they have done something to upset you. It’s not okay to insult them, bring up the past or throw things in their face. If you do this, then you won’t solve the issue that made you angry in the first place, you will just escalate the conversation into an argument. The likelihood is that your partner won’t have meant to upset you, so deliberately hurting them or insulting them is out of line.
Rule 2. Sometimes when you’re right, you still need to back down, for the sake of peace
It’s easy to get carried away in an argument, especially if you’re right. What isn’t easy is backing down. Sometimes, it just doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong, the only thing that matters is ending the argument. Don’t let your pride rule you, you need to know when it’s okay to back down and make peace.
As long as whatever you’re discussing isn’t hugely unfair on either side, it’s fine to just let things slide. Seriously, in the words of Elsa, “let it go!” It’s far more important to be happy in your relationship than to be always in the right. You don’t get a trophy for it and it won’t make either of you happy over the long-term.
Rule 3. Accepting that people change will stop you from having to make a change
People change all the time, everything that happens to a person changes them in some way. Sometimes, it’s unnoticeable and sometimes, it smacks you right across the face.
Accepting the fact that people change and going with it, will stop you from finding yourself with a stranger. If you can’t accept the changes that come from life, then sooner or later, you will find yourself needing to make a big change to get away from it.
Learn to grow together rather than change into two people who hardly know one another. You can do this by experiencing life’s ups and downs as a team, supporting one another, and being as understanding as possible. If you want to learn how to be a good partner, this is something you really need to focus on. Use these 25 relationship topics to make sure you two always feel close and connected to each other.
Rule 3. No one is perfect and that includes you
It’s easy to say that you wouldn’t have done something, you wouldn’t have acted in that way or you wouldn’t have said what they said. It’s easy to judge other people from afar and criticize their choices. But, you need to remember that you make bad choices sometimes too.
You are not perfect and you do things wrong, just like everybody else. Do you have anyone on your back about that? It’s unfair to expect anyone to be perfect all of the time and it’s even more unfair to make them feel bad about it. Aside from anything, what exactly does perfect look like anyway? Making mistakes and learning from them is part of life. When you don’t have the opportunity to do that, life is nothing but boring.
Rule 5. Your partner’s friends were supporting them long before you were
It’s really important that you try to get on with your partner’s friends. They were there long before you and have supported your partner through difficult times. That means that they care. You don’t have to like them, you just need to get on with them for your partner’s sake. Grin and bear it, if you must!
You don’t want to be the person who asks their partner to choose between them and friends or family. Honestly, either way, you won’t like the result.
Your partner will either pick their friends/family or they will resent you for making them choose. It’s entirely possible to have friend, family, a partner and total harmony between all sides. If you have to compromise, do it.
Rule #6 You don’t have to be selfless but you do have to care
You shouldn’t have to be selfless in a relationship, but you do have to care about your partner. It’s not a case of putting them first every time because you deserve to be put first sometimes too. It’s knowing when you should put them first. This will make the most difference to them because it shows that you care about them and in a way, it does make you selfless.
Relationships need to be completely fair and equal. Putting yourself first occasionally doesn’t make you selfish. But if you do it all the time, you’re out of balance. Similarly, putting them at the bottom of your priority list all the time makes you a bad partner.
Balance is sometimes hard to find but focus on being there when you need to be, spending time together “just because” and building a connection through experiences and fun times. When you do all of this, you’ll find the whole selfish/selfless balance evens itself out.
Rule 7. Never expect anything from your partner
One thing that many partners do wrong is when they expect things from their partner. For instance, maybe you think that it’s solely your partner’s responsibility to pay the bills or to bring a little romance into the relationship. It’s unfair and it’s setting your partner up to fail. Everything has to be equal – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again!
A partnership is between two people and it should be both of their responsibilities to bring aspects to the relationship. This shouldn’t be expected either – it should be done without question. To expect something, is just as bad as demanding it. When you don’t get it, you will be left looking like a spoilt child throwing a tantrum.
Rule 8. Be supportive in the good times and the bad times
It’s easy to support your partner through the good times, like work promotions and goal achievements. It isn’t always as easy to support them through the bad times. However, these are the times that they will really rely on your support, so you need to give it to them.
It doesn’t matter if you are disappointed, the likelihood is that they will be ten times more disappointed than you. So just be supportive and help them through. Don’t kick them while they are down because they might not get back up again. You don’t have to carry them through every challenging situation in life but you do need to be there in case they need someone to lean upon – you’re that person, that’s your job.
Rule 9. Never go the day without at least a kiss
It’s so important in relationships, especially long term relationships to keep up physical intimacy. Sometimes, it can be easy to take your partner for granted and to forget why they are in your life, so always try to remind yourself of that. Keeping intimacy in your relationship will stop you both from getting bored or wondering if the relationship has run its course.
It’s easy to fall into a rut when you’ve been together a long time but spicing up your love life is a key factor in holding the spark and making sure that your relationship lasts over the long-term. You’re not going to be jumping on one another every single day when you’ve been together a while, but you should still have that fire within you!
Rule 10. If you want romance, bring it to the table
Don’t moan about the fact that your relationship is lacking romance – do something about it. You never know, your partner might respond by doing something romantic in return. If you really want something, then you should go out there and get it, you shouldn’t just wait around dropping hints. That will only get you frustrated if they don’t work.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is expecting your partner to be a mind reader. If you want to learn how to be a good partner, you need to stop issuing they have a crystal ball and start explaining what you want and need. So many people are guilty of this!
Sitting there and giving your partner the silent treatment because they didn’t respond in the way you wanted them to isn’t going to work. You’ll become frustrated and they’ll be annoyed because they can’t work out what’s wrong with you. Just say it!
Rule 11. Sometimes, the only thing left to do is walk away
Sometimes, in a relationship the only thing that is left to do, is to walk away. It doesn’t mean that it has to be permanent, it doesn’t even mean that you have to leave the building but if a fight is escalating and neither of you have anything nice to say, walk away.
Give yourselves some breathing time, cool down and then try again. Nothing has ever been solved by screaming at each other.
Take a moment, do a few breathing exercises, and don’t go back into the room until you’ve stopped shaking with anger and there are no recriminations swirling around in your head. Trust me, it’s for the best. Everyone has arguments; they’re a sign of a healthy relationship in many ways, but if you want to learn how to be a good partner, you have to know when to stick and when to give it a minute and walk away for a quick time out.
Rule 12. It’s your job to cheer them up
It doesn’t matter if you have had the day from hell. If your partner has had it worse, then it’s your job to cheer them up. That’s what a good partner does, they put their lover before themselves when they know it needs to be done. Even if you have to try and find a clown at ten o’clock at night, you need to find a way to pick your partner up when they are down.
Rule 13. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, you should always make time
Life can sometimes feel like it’s flying by at a hundred miles an hour, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to put your partner at the bottom of your priority list. Again, it can be easy to take them for granted, knowing that they will wait around for you, but that doesn’t mean that it’s fair to make them wait. You should always try to put your partner up at the top of the list, if you can’t, then maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
One of the best ways to do this is to have regular date nights. These should never be cancelled because something else “more important” came along and never rearranged. Make spending time together a priority and you’ll start to do it naturally. The more you stop making time for your partner, the more you’ll grow apart. That’s not something you want, right?
Rule 14. Always be faithful, always be loyal
You cannot be a good partner if you cheat and lie your way through the relationship. It doesn’t matter why you lied or why you cheated. You could have the best excuse in the world for it, but it doesn’t make it right. If you are in a relationship then be in that relationship.
If you have problems in your relationship, if something is really bugging you and you need to get it out, communicate! Talk about it, have it out and argue if you need to, but it’s far better to do this than to allow that annoyance to push you into someone else’s arms. Similarly, if you’re not happy and nothing can fix it, walk away. Never use cheating as a cover for being unhappy in a relationship. Your partner doesn’t deserve to have their trust in love destroyed in such a cruel way.
Rule 15. Passion fades, but you need to look for ways to keep it alive
It doesn’t matter how passionate you are at the beginning of a relationship, it will eventually fade with time if you take your relationship for granted. The important thing is to find new ways to keep the excitement alive in the relationship, even if it means going out of your way to excite your partner now and then.
I mentioned earlier about keeping the spark alive but how can you do that? Try new things! If you find it a bit embarrassing telling your partner about your deepest desires, write them down and let them read them. Trying new things together strengthens your bond and who knows, you might both find a new move that sets sparks flying!
If you are in a relationship then you should always try to be the best partner you can be. The other person doesn’t deserve any less than your best, just like you don’t deserve any less than theirs.
So just how good a partner are you? The next time you find yourself grumbling or whining about how unappreciative or boring your partner is, ask yourself if you’ve been playing your part in a happy romance. Learning how to be a good partner isn’t hard, it’s all about dedication and self-awareness.