Is she playing hard to get, or is she just not into you? Women and their mysterious ways can be hard to read. In this feature, we break it all down for you.
People can be hard to read. Did your mom ever tell you that bullies were just jealous of you? Maybe you wanted to believe it. But you were never really sure. It’s a similar situation when someone says “She’s just playing hard to get.” Is she really?
In this feature, we dive deep into the female psyche to learn why women play hard to get. Is the woman you’re pursuing actually into you? If she’s not, these signs will help you see the truth. If she is interested and just wants you to pursue her harder, then you’ll know you should keep trying.
Why do women play hard to get?
The “chase” can be one of the most exciting parts of a new relationship. The back and forth, the uncertainty – it can make it all way more exciting. So one common reason why women play hard to get is because it’s fun!
But playing hard to get can also be a test. Especially if you are dealing with a woman that takes herself seriously.
If she’s testing you, she will want to make sure your interest in her is genuine. And that you’re not pursuing her just because you’re bored or want to sleep with her. She will then put you through trials – and you only get to date her if you show resilience.
This is also true if she is somewhat serious about you. She won’t risk the possibility of catching feelings if you are not really into her. Testing you is a way to make sure you are worth it.
Yet another reason why women play hard to get is because of society’s judgment. Maybe she really wants to get with you, but she is afraid she will be judged if she does it too fast. So, she may think she needs to offer some resistance before giving it up. In this case, she will make you work for it so no one can say that she was “easy.”
Don’t confuse lack of interest with playing hard to get
A woman that’s playing hard to get will make it hard for you, but she won’t make it impossible.
You should take the possibility that she may simply not like you. Don’t just assume she’s trying to test you and wants you to try harder. Ultimately, her behavior will let you know the truth.
Therefore, it is very important that you learn to read her subtle signs to know if she’s playing hard to get. Mastering this skill will give you the confidence to keep trying, or to give up before you become that creepy guy.
Is she playing hard to get? The signs you need to know
So you’re confused by a girl’s behavior towards you. Is she playing hard to get? Or is she just taking her time to get to know you better?
Here, you can definitely know the answer to your question, is she playing hard to get. Can you find several of these signs in her behavior? Then it may just be the time to stop pursuing her, and treat her as a friend or walk away from her life.
1. Doesn’t answer your texts
There are unofficial dating rules about when or how often one should text someone. So it can be normal that she’s not in a rush to get back to your messages. But, if you text her and get no response at all even after a day or two, she isn’t just playing hard to get. It probably means she isn’t interested in you.
People have their own lives to take care of – work, family, social events. But when a woman is interested, she will never forget that you texted her. She will be mindful of how long she takes to answer your text. And she will also take note of how long you take to answer hers.
So if she’s simply ignoring your messages, and it feels like she doesn’t want to text back, then she probably isn’t playing hard to get, she just isn’t interested.
2. Her answers are always short
Perhaps she doesn’t completely blow you off. Maybe she takes her sweet time getting back to you. But her response to your texts is also something you should pay attention to.
If she waits for several days and gives you one-word answers, that is her guilty conscience talking. She doesn’t want to hurt you. But also, she doesn’t want to lead you on. She is just trying to be polite.
On the other hand, if she answers within an hour or two, asks questions, and makes it easy to continue the conversation effortlessly, then she is probably just making you work for it. Big difference.
3. Doesn’t try to encourage a conversation
Whether it is via text or in person, talking to her shouldn’t feel like a struggle.
If she is playing hard to get, she may keep her replies short and closed. On the other hand, if she does like you, she may pretend like she doesn’t care about you, but she may still find ways to keep the conversation going with you by using open-ended responses.
If she doesn’t like you, you’ll probably find yourself scrambling for a topic of conversation all the time. And she won’t make it easy for you.
Remember, a conversation should be a two-way street. If it’s not, then she is most likely not simply playing hard to get.
4. She is always busy
Is she constantly declining invitations to hang out? This is a big red flag that tells you she is not playing hard to get. Especially if she says she’s busy, but doesn’t offer any other alternative dates.
No woman that’s into you will make you work that hard. She may make you do all of the hard work yourself by asking her out, sure. But at some point, she will accept the invitation. Or suggest another time that fits her better.
If she seems interested in you, but keeps declining a date with you, try the magic rule of “three.” Ask her out three times if she tells you she’s busy. If she’s flirting with you, but still not interested in a date, give up and move on.
5. Never tries to make plans
Another red flag to know she’s not playing hard to get is that she never tries to make plans herself. If she is playing hard to get, she will either wait for you to ask her out, or she will invite you herself. If she is not interested though, that thought won’t ever cross her mind.
Did she decline your invitation, without getting back to you with another date and time? It may be time to move on to someone else.
6. She blows you off
Maybe she’s teasing you and having a bit of fun at your expense. She turns you down once, or twice, but flirts and makes you believe all is not lost just yet. But if it happens more times than that though, she is not playing hard to get, she is playing you.
The end game of playing hard to get is to make someone value you and respect you enough to take you seriously. If she likes you, she wouldn’t want to decline your advances or shut you out completely. If she blows you off, then she isn’t looking for you to be her number one. It’s more honest to assume she just isn’t that into you and enjoys using you because she’s bored.
7. You don’t meet anyone in her circle
If she is into you, it’s only a matter of time before she wants you to meet her friends. She will at least start to tell you stories that involve people in her circle in your regular conversations. But if she doesn’t share anything personal with you, it’s likely that she doesn’t look at you that way.
8. She plays matchmaker
She introduces you to her friends. But it almost feels like she is setting you up with one of them!
If that’s the case, take it seriously! A woman that is into you would never suggest that you date one of her friends. So if you’re wondering, is she playing hard to get, this is definitely a dead end right here.
If she always pushes you off on her wingwoman, then she is sending you a message to look elsewhere. She’s trying to find you another match because she knows she doesn’t mind losing you.
9. She tells you she isn’t ready for commitment
Often, when we like someone, we think that their words aren’t their true intentions. If she tells you she isn’t ready to commit or get into a serious relationship, she isn’t playing hard to get. Especially if she follows through with it by going out with other guys.
And if you think one day she will wake up and be yours, you are deluding yourself. If she messes around with other people but refuses to spend time with you, she simply doesn’t like you.
10. She flirts with your friends
It’s important to notice how she acts around your friends as well. If she likes you, she may be interested in getting to know your friends, or making a good impression on them to get to know you better through them.
If she seems to be too into them – more than she is into you – then be careful.
This should not be ignored, especially if it’s in combination with any of the other signs. In that case, it may happen that she is interested in someone, but that someone is not you.
11. Avoids physical touch
Women that are playing hard to get will always try to tease you. Oftentimes, this comes in the form of subtle touches.
A touch while laughing at one of your jokes, a subtle arm touch whenever you stand next to each other… It’s part of the flirting game. Because touching you gives you a subliminal cue that she’s into you, while the rest of her behavior may say otherwise. And that keeps you chasing.
If she doesn’t find reasons to touch you or to get close to you though, she simply doesn’t like you.
12. “I like you as a friend”
Yep, you’ve been friend-zoned. Do you know how many people make it out of the friend zone? That, my friend, is about zero. *unless you step up your game and let her know you’re a catch, that is!*
The reason she tells you she thinks of you as a friend isn’t to make you work harder. Instead, she is trying to tell you “no” without hurting your feelings.
Don’t mistake her kindness and generosity with playing it cool. She is trying not to lead you on, and that is nice of her. But move on.
13. She likes someone else
If a girl tells you she likes someone else, or talks about how cute or interesting another guy is, back away. To be honest, if a girl likes you, or is even remotely interested in dating you, she wouldn’t be asking you for advice on impressing another guy.
If she talks about falling for another guy, even when she knows you like her, she’s not playing hard to get. She’s making it very clear that she doesn’t see you in a more-than-friends kind of way.
14. She’s never jealous
You like her, but you’re not dating her yet. So chances are, you are spending time with other girls as well. If a girl sees you as a friend, she’d be happy to hear all about the other girls in your life. She may even encourage you to pursue one of them or share tips on impressing them.
But if she likes you, she may not say it straight, but she may snap at you or be just a wee more irritable or annoyed with you. If a girl is jealous of the time you spend with someone else, chances are, she does like you.
15. She seems annoyed when you are persisitent
You think it’s funny and cute when you ask her out repeatedly, or try to flirt with her every chance you get. But does she encourage you subtly? Does she laugh and flirt back during those times? Or does she get annoyed when you try to flirt with her?
If a girl is playing hard to get, she may turn you down, but she won’t stop you from flirting with her. She may even flirt back just to blow hot and cold, and leave you guessing. But if she isn’t interested in dating you, she’d give you a cold shoulder the very minute you try to flirt with her.
16. No date-like meets
You may have asked her to hang out with you a few times. Friends do this all the time, so there’s nothing wrong with that so far. But every time you’ve asked her out, it’s almost always the same answer. She’s busy, or she has other plans.
So is she playing hard to get? If a girl doesn’t want to hang out with you alone, take the hint. She sees you as a friend, and doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea. And neither does she want to encourage you to pursue her.
She isn’t interested in you, and in all probability, she’s trying her best to let you down without hurting your feelings. Take the hint.
17. She’s never flirted back
Even friends can flirt sometimes. If there’s even the slightest hint of sexual chemistry between two people, flirting is inevitable! If a girl is playing hard to get with you, there would be a lot of flirty banter, funny comebacks, and sexual innuendos flying back and forth between you two.
But if she sees you as a friend and nothing more, you could pass a comment that’s clearly flirty, and she’d still respond with something bland and boring because she just doesn’t realize you’re flirting with her *or she doesn’t want to encourage you*.
18. You’re a friend
Has she ever introduced you to someone else? How does she address you? If she likes you, or has even considered dating you for a hot minute, she’d probably introduce you by name, without elaborating on your relationship status. She subconsciously wants to keep her options open.
But if you’re safely put in the friend zone, she’d emphasize the word “friend” as she introduces you, even if there isn’t any reason to do so.
19. Using you for attention
Here’s one part that can confuse any guy. Have you guys made out, or clearly stepped out of the friend zone by sleeping with each other? So it seems apparent she’s interested, right? Not always!
When you sleep with someone, that is no guarantee that that person is interested in a real relationship with you. Maybe she wants a casual relationship, or a friend with benefits, or maybe she was bored, horny, and just wanted someone to get in bed with.
Don’t assume a girl likes you or is playing hard to get after sleeping with you, especially if you see many of these signs. It may be something she regrets doing, or worse, she may even be doing it just for attention. So be wary of this sign, unless you want your heart broken.
20. She’s told you she isn’t interested in you
Is she playing hard to get? If a girl tells you that she isn’t interested in you, accept it. If she’s playing hard to get, she may tease you or answer vaguely when you ask her out. But if a girl tells you clearly that she has absolutely no interest in dating you, that’s a firm no, and you should accept that.
The difference between playing hard to get and getting turned down
Playing hard to get is a fun and interesting game for girls, and for guys as well. But as a guy, don’t assume a girl is playing hard to get when she makes it clear she isn’t interested in being with you.
To be honest, if a girl is playing hard to get with you, you’ll know for sure. You’ll enjoy the chase, you’ll feel the thrill of flirty pursuit and you’ll see the progress, and you’ll love every moment of the game.
On the other hand, if she isn’t playing hard to get and isn’t even remotely interested in you, you’d find yourself frustrated and annoyed. And very confused.
Learn to tell the difference, and you’ll know for sure, every single time. So is she playing hard to get? If things feel hard, perhaps it’s time to find someone who likes you and is not afraid to show it.