Everyone thinks it’s easy to know how to get someone off your mind, until you face it yourself. Understand these stages, and you’ll know the right way.
The people we like can leave lasting impressions on us, and it’s very hard to know how to get someone off your mind, even when it’s time to move on.
Have you ever been so distracted by the thought of someone that you just can’t seem to work, study, or even enjoy a decent cup of coffee? Don’t worry about it. You’re not crazy. You’re just thinking too much about someone.
Don’t worry. We’re not going to give you the usual run-around about loving yourself, distracting yourself with friends, and finding a new hobby. You already know that those things work, yet here you are. You’re still looking at the same old heartbreak tips, hoping that you’ll find a different answer.
Why is it so hard to get someone off your mind?
Why do people fixate on someone they like?
When you like someone, you can’t help but notice all the things that are connected to them. The time you spent together, their attributes, the little reminders of things that they’ve done, or the places they’ve been to – it’s all swirling around in your head.
When the relationship is going well, these thoughts are more than welcome. It makes you smile and remember them fondly. But when something goes wrong, you have a breakup, or your feelings are unreciprocated, all you want to do is move on, because those very thoughts can be a totally unwanted distraction.
It’s understandable that you would want to relive all the good things you’ve been through with that person. But sometimes, depressing thoughts can go along with it. That’s why you feel the need to get someone off your mind. The only problem is that the intensity of your emotions prevents that from happening.
It’s not just the amount of affection you have for that person. It can also be due to your insecurities or lack of closure. No matter what the reason is, the fact is that you want to stop these thoughts.
How do you get someone out of your head?
Most people – meaning your friends who have an objective view of the situation – think that you can easily stop thinking about someone. They say that just wanting to stop thinking is enough, and that it will happen sooner or later. That is partially true. You will move on, but you may want to do it in a sane way because you’re losing your mind thinking of this person all the time!
No one can blame your friends for giving you generic advice, really. After all, their advice is helpful. But it’s just too slow and painful for someone who wants a quick fix now.
You may feel a sharp jab of pain every time you think of this person, so it’s understandable why you want to get over this fixation immediately. The honest truth is that it’s not that easy to remove someone from your mind. That’s because the memory of their existence is already imprinted in your brain.
The only way to completely forget about them is to get amnesia or get hypnotized. Both seem like far-fetched ideas, which means you’ll have to go the traditional route – learning how to get someone off your mind in a healthy, yet quick and effective way.
How long will it take to stop thinking about someone?
Everyone wants to know the exact timeframe it takes to get someone off your mind. Most people will tell you that it depends on the level of intimacy and the mindset of the people involved. If that’s how you’re going about this moving-on thing, you may be in for a ton of disappointment.
According to science, there are two possible theories that tell you how long it takes to get over someone, but not necessarily stop thinking about them. One is that it takes an average of 18 months after a divorce to get over your ex. The other is that it takes 11 weeks *about 3 months* to get over a regular relationship.
Bear in mind that these are standardized experiments that involved only a miniscule percentage of the general population. It’s not an exact science. If you really want a satisfying answer as to how long it takes to stop thinking about someone, this is the best we can do for you: You won’t forget about them for at least three months.
The good news is that there is something you can do to ease that process and speed it up.
The 3 stages and steps to get someone off your mind
Rebounding, dating, getting drunk or getting under someone else, or even staying busy with friends can definitely help. But they don’t address the real problem. They’re forcing you to pretend like you can just erase everything off your mind in a snap. But it doesn’t work that way. Distraction helps, but it won’t solve your problem.
It’s like throwing a blanket or towel over your pile of unwashed clothes on the bed. The blanket works, it covers all your problems. But honestly, you haven’t dealt with it, and unless you learn to confront and deal with your problem, you will have to confront it again some day.
The only way to get someone off your mind is to start remembering yourself even when thoughts of them are floating around in your periphery. We have a few stages and tips for each stage that can help you achieve a semblance of normalcy within your thoughts. Use these, and you’ll learn to confront your problem instead of ignoring it.
Stage 1 – Meditation
Learn to control your mind and emotions, so you don’t feel like a mess inside while trying to forget someone.
1. Start meditating every day
Seeing as that unwanted thoughts about someone has become a nuisance in your daily life, why not add something worthwhile into your routine? Learn to control your thoughts consciously instead of letting them wander mindlessly.
2. Isolate yourself
Set your phone timer each day, and start by meditating for at least 5 minutes a day *15 minutes would be way better!* by finding a quiet place or immersing yourself in noise-cancelling headphones while listening to meditation music. Concentrate on your breathing as you inhale and exhale.
When unwanted thoughts slip through, pull yourself back to focus on your breathing.
Once you feel comfortable and relaxed, now is the time to visualize a big, black box floating in the empty vastness of your mind. Think of nothing else but the large trunk floating in nothingness, like a large trunk floating in outer space. Start meditating, snd every time you get a thought about this person you want to get off your mind, visualize drawing that thought out and dropping it into this big box where it sinks away for good.
Continue doing this for 15 minutes, and when your stopwatch beeps, visualize the lid of the big box getting shut, and floating away into nothingness. Watch it as it floats away from you and finally vanishes.
Keep doing this until you train yourself to keep unwanted thoughts at bay, and you feel nothing but peace when you meditate and calm your mind.
Stage 2 – Avoidance
This is where you learn to actively accept and confront your problem *getting someone off your mind* instead of ignoring them.
1. Remind yourself not to look them up
Cut yourself off from any path of communication or exposure to this person. Keep telling yourself that you should not look at them because it just worsens your situation. When you remember them, try to associate their thought with something negative in your life. You need to realize that this is the truth, because you finding your way back into their life will give you nothing but misery.
2. Don’t give yourself freebies
Many people will tell you that you should face the unwanted thought every time it comes to mind, and let it go. They don’t mean that you should do this as many times as you can.
There needs to be a point where you acknowledge the fact that you can control your thoughts – that you’ve overcome this exact thought previously already. So when the same thought comes to mind, all you need to tell yourself is that you’ve faced this exact thought before, and there’s nothing more to analyze there.
When you want to know how to get someone off your mind, you shouldn’t look back on these unwanted thoughts at all.
3. Lessen your proximity to that person
Stop going to the places that they frequent. If you work with them, avoid them as much as you can. When you encounter them, do not engage them. Every time your heart skips a beat in the anticipation of seeing them, realize that you are only setting yourself up for humiliation and pain all over again. Is it worth it?
4. Accept defeat, but rise above it
If it can’t be helped, just don’t put any value on their presence at that moment. It is neither beneficial nor harmful. They simply exist, and you should accept that fact.
Stage 3 – Transference
Now you have all these thoughts in your head about getting someone off your mind. Instead of trying so hard to make these thoughts vanish, learn to transfer the energy of your thoughts towards something more personal and fulfilling.
1. Think of something else
Whenever the thought of this person you’re trying to get off your mind pops up in your head, think of something else really quickly. The best things to think about would be something you’d like to grow or develop – A house plant you recently bought, your pet, your hobby, a project at work, working out, or anything else that can help you become a better person.
And tell yourself that you’d like to transfer all those thoughts of this person to this project of yours. Keep doing this enough number of times, and what you’ll realize is that you’ll start developing yourself and becoming a better version of yourself, instead of turning into an emotional wreck.
2. Think happy thoughts
If you start thinking of a bad memory about a person, replace it with a good memory that doesn’t involve them. By doing this, you’ll feel calmer and more relaxed instead of being agitated all the time, and it will be easier to transfer your thoughts to something unrelated to that person.
3. Solve a puzzle
Find a crossword puzzle, play some games on your phone that requires intense thinking, build a Lego castle. Mentally challenging activities take up most of your attention, which makes it easier to push unwanted thoughts aside.
Will you ever be able to get someone off your mind?
Like we said before, the only way to completely stop thinking about someone is by getting brain damage or finding a hypnotist that can do that for you.
On the other hand, by following these steps to get someone off your mind, you might not forget about a person, but thoughts of them will stop being painful soon enough. This is possible if you are willing to make the necessary changes to allow it to happen sooner.
These exercises can help you face the thoughts of this person, without hurting yourself in the process. When you learn to confront your thoughts, and transfer the negative energy it brings into your life into something beneficial, you’ll be able to overcome this person and fill your life with positivity at the same time. And soon enough, a few months down the lane, you’ll suddenly realize that you haven’t thought about them all day… or all week!
Now that you know how to get someone off your mind, you don’t have to be bogged down by unwanted thoughts of that person all the time. You can change what you’re thinking about and stop thinking about the ones who hurt you. With that in mind, why don’t you start thinking about yourself instead?