In need of breakup advice? You’ve come to the right place for both the best breakup advice to heal you and the ones you must ignore for your own sanity!
Breakup advice sounds like a good thing. Everyone needs help when going through a breakup, but not all breakup advice is created equal.
People that tell you to have a rebound, that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, or to get revenge somehow are probably not the best to listen to.
The best breakup advice to listen to and the ones that harm you
Breakup advice shouldn’t just come from anyone. It should come from those who are wise, or at the very least care about you.
When bad breakup advice is given, it usually isn’t to spite you or even on purpose. It is often because the person giving it genuinely thinks what they are saying will work or because they want you to just get over it as your pain has become a burden on them.
It’s sad to say so, but it’s true.
On top of that, there is a ton of bad breakup advice online. As I did preliminary research for this article, I found posts and YouTube videos with some shockingly bad breakup advice.
With the internet so easily browsed, there is breakup advice right at your fingertips. But, as I said not all of it should be followed.
Bad breakup advice that’ll leave you feeling worse than ever
So, before I get into the good breakup advice that will actually help your situation, here are some bits of advice that you most definitely shouldn’t follow.
No matter how insistent a friend is or how smart an online blogger seems, there is some breakup advice you want to steer clear from and this is it.
#1 You need closure. Closure is highly overrated. It is something so many people claim they need. But in reality, it can do a lot more harm than good. The person who says they need closure really need space, they just miss the relationship and want to talk.
Sure, closure can be nice when it happens naturally, but getting together to have that conversation will likely have more disadvantages than healing benefits. First off, seeing someone you’re trying to get over only reignites the feelings you’re trying to heal from. And closure is the idea that you’ll get some sort of answer so you can walk away peacefully, but usually, that doesn’t happen and you have more questions than answers.
When we seek closure, it is because we want an official goodbye. But you don’t need that in order to heal or move on from a breakup. You need to face yourself, not your ex.
#2 Stay busy. Now, this breakup advice can go both ways. When people tell you to distract yourself or stay busy after a break up, it should happen after the mourning and it should be proactive and productive.
Staying busy with parties, drinking, and rebounds is not the same as staying busy with work, hobbies, and activities. So, although staying busy is good advice, it needs to be followed and given more specifically.
Many people will tell you your social calendar should be filled after a breakup. I would disagree. You should fill your time with things you enjoy, to focus less on the breakup and more on yourself, not less on the breakup and more on being numb.
#3 Start dating. This is the world’s worst breakup advice if you ask me. Even if a relationship was over in your mind for a while before the actual breakup, getting right back into dating is not a good idea. Whether you are looking for something casual or not, you are likely to fall into the same patterns if you don’t take some time to reflect.
Jumping from one relationship to the next doesn’t give you time to deal with the breakup. You don’t have time to think about what went wrong or what you want or how you’ve changed. You’ll almost definitely date someone similar to your ex, repeating the same mistakes.
#4 Stop crying. A lot of people say crying over an ex is pathetic or won’t do any good, but it’s not true. Crying helps you purge a lot of the fresh feelings coming off a breakup. If you hold back those tears and the emotions you’re going through, it can make it worse later on.
You shouldn’t dwell, but mourning a loss is natural and healthy. It isn’t something you should be ashamed of for any reason, no matter how or why you broke up.
People usually say this because they are uncomfortable with you crying and it makes them feel weird. That isn’t your problem.
#5 Get revenge. This is the worst breakup advice from a reality TV star if I’ve ever heard it. This is what you would hear on Real Housewives or The Bachelor. Getting revenge on an ex may feel good in the moment, but it won’t actually help you heal, sort of like drinking.
Getting drunk and partying your sorrows away may feel good at night. But by morning, you realize you’re in the same situation only now you’re dehydrated too. Getting revenge for cheating or just dumping you isn’t just immature, it’s ridiculous.
If they truly did something wrong, getting legal justice is perfectly called for. But revenge that you’d hear in a country song is just uncalled for. Rise above it and work on yourself and your future.
#6 Stay friends. This is another bit of breakup advice I wholeheartedly advise against. I’m not saying you can never be friends with an ex but staying friends is the best way to never get over them.
In order to get over an ex, you really need time apart. Jumping right into friends takes away the mourning, the adjustment, and the overall healing.
#7 Fake it until you make it. The only person who benefits from you faking your happiness is the person offering the advice. People telling you to act happy or seem confident after a breakup just want you to come across that way but aren’t worried about your wellbeing.
It is okay to not be okay after a breakup and never let anyone tell you otherwise. You don’t have to post thirst traps on Instagram or fun nights out on Facebook. Just do what you’re doing to heal on your own time. You don’t need to act a certain way to be that way.
The best breakup advice you MUST follow of you want to heal
Now that you know exactly what breakup advice not to listen to here are some actual suggestions to help you fight the post-breakup blues.
#1 Cry. Cry, scream, bawl. Let it all out. Take a day or two off work and focus on your mental health. A breakup can be just as devastating as any other loss. Being expected to go to work and perform like nothing happened is unhealthy and unnecessary.
Take some time to be in bed and mourn the loss of the relationship. It doesn’t matter if your ex sucked or if you were unhappy, this is a huge adjustment and you deserve time to really absorb this change.
#2 Put your phone down. Even if you’re just checking the latest celebrity gossip, you know you’re going to sneak a peek at your ex’s page and their friends’ pages to see what they’re up to. Just don’t. It will not help.
I’d also recommend not posting yourself. Making cringey posts that are clearly about the breakup or trying to seem like you’re doing amazing isn’t good for your mental health. One of the best breakup advice you need to constantly remember is to just take a break from that world until you feel strong enough. Better yet, unfollow, unfriend, or simply mute your ex and their friends for now.
#3 Live in reality. When we go through a breakup, we tend to look back on all the good times we shared and how good they made us feel. One of the best breakup advice that can help you for real is to take off the rose-colored glasses and take a cold hard look at the past.
Did you fight all the time? Did they drive you crazy? Were they jealous? Did they make you jealous? A breakup can make us lonely, so we look back to good times, but think back to why you broke up and remember this is for the best.
#4 You’re not broken. You may feel broken and you have been broken up with, but you are not broken. Your ex was not a part of you. They may have been an extension of you at one point. But no longer.
You are whole without them and you will remind yourself of that. Thinking of yourself as less because they aren’t with you isn’t healthy. Remember that they may have added to your life for a time, but you have a whole life without them.
#5 You deserve time off. Here’s another piece of good breakup advice you need to keep in mind. You do not have to jump back into the dating scene now, in a month, or in six months or longer.
Giving yourself time to heal is the best breakup advise you can follow. Let yourself come to terms with what happened. Think about what you want and what truly makes you happy.
You don’t have to go from the pain of a breakup only to dive right into first date jitters. Take some time to reconnect with yourself before connecting with others. Take as much time as you need.
#6 Remember being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. This is something I always remind anyone going through a breakup. You may be alone but that doesn’t mean you’re lonely. You have great friends and family. You can be sitting next to your partner and feel more lonely than you ever did when you were single.
Remember that being single and alone is better than feeling lonely when you’re in a relationship.
#7 Put it away. Permanently deleting photos and burning the stuff they left at your place may seem over the top and intense, and it can be. And although I wouldn’t count on it, you may be friends in the future or at least be able to look back on that time happily one day.
If you don’t want to toss any memorabilia, at least put it out of sight. Archive your photos, put them in a folder, and put any memories in a box in the back of your closet. If you see those things now, they’ll reignite your pain and feelings.
#8 Do good for yourself. Do things you haven’t had time for. If you’re looking for breakup advice that can heal you and leave you feeling more accomplished, pick up an old hobby.
Clean out that shelf in your shower that you’ve been neglecting. Do a spruce up of your place. You don’t have to do something drastic like dye your hair or move across the country, but take care of yourself inside and out.
Try some new recipes or learn a new workout. Do things that make you and your body happy. Taking care of yourself reminds you how important you are.
#9 Reach out. Whether you are a private person or not, everyone needs support during a breakup. Even if you don’t want to dwell or talk about it, just having companionship and comfort helps. Instead of watching rom-coms alone, invite a friend over to watch with you.
Just being around people you love and trust is important right now. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help in any way you need it. True friends will be happy to be there.
Also, remember, therapy is not just for people with severe mental illness. You aren’t weak because you need some extra help, and breakup advice and guidance. Admitting that you want to be happy and work through this breakup with a therapist shows how strong you are.
#10 Plan ahead. Letting go of the plans you made with your ex before the breakup can be hard. But once you start making plans for the future knowing you are no longer part of that relationship, you are a step closer to letting go.
Plan a vacation. Plan a weekend away with your friends during what would’ve been your anniversary. Do things even if doing them without your ex is making you sad. It will get better and looking forward shows your capability to move on.
When you’re in need of breakup advice, proceed with caution as not all advice is as helpful as you think. Remember, as helpful as people are, sometimes, the wrong breakup advice given by them can make your life feel much worse.